Skill with People

4 min read

TL; DR

  • Each person you are talking to or walking by is as important to themselves as you are to yourself.

  • be kind, not clever.

  • If you empathise, it’s genuine, and so called people-skills will emerge naturally.

  • Don’t think or judge, just listen.

  • there is something all people need, and that is to be heard.

  • enthusiasm is contagious, show enthusiasm

  • People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.

  • people are primarily interested in themselves

  • they want to feel important

  • recognition and appreciation are basic needs

  • pause before answering

  • people will never forget how you made them feel.

  • poorest way is arguing

  • way to handle fighters = refuse to fight

  • don’t assume they like what you like, or want what you want

  • find out what they are after

  • speak through 3rd persons, quote others, tell stories, cite facts and stats

  • praise must be sincere, specific and for the action not the person

  • say kind things, be humble, be kind

  • giving is joy

  • if you tell the wrong way, tell the right way, too

  • criticism must be in absolute privacy, for the act, not the person

  • be sincere

  • say it clearly

  • thank by name

  • be kind, smile, appreciate

  • knowledge is nothing, doing is everything

speech

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said. - Peter Drucker

  • say only what you mean

  • believe what you say

  • say something good or say nothing

  • if you dont know what to say, dont open your mouth

  • speak with confidence

  • say it simply, be brief, be to the point

  • we are terrible at mind-reading.

  • never speak of what you do not know.

  • Asking specific questions will separate the truths from the lies.

  • Understand people’s unstated motivations

  • saying exactly what’s on your mind isn’t always a virtue.

People will often think they understand, and they’ll say they understand, but then their actions show that it just ain’t so.

positive

  • Put sunshine get sunshine, Put storm get blizzard

  • People are 100X more sensitive to negativity than positivity.

  • Accept people as they are.

  • Be impeccable with your word.

  • Don’t take anything personally.

  • Don’t make assumptions.

  • Always do your best.

anger

  • The satisfaction of a little rage is never worth the cost.

  • Is it really worth getting angry?

  • Pick your battles, and only engage in conflict when it’s truly important.

Praise

  • must be sincere

  • Praise the act not the person

  • Make it specific pinpoint it

  • Gain a habit of noticing and praising positive things

  • Giving is more joyful than receiving

  • give a lot of honest compliments

  • I am trying to give glowing, public praise to the work and behavior I want to see more of, rather than complain about what I want to see less.

Criticism

  • Must be in absolute privacy

  • it’s the act not the people

  • give a solution, if you say what is wrong tell also what is right

  • Only one criticism per offence

  • Start and finish on a friendly note

Influence

  • Don’t think they like what you like or want what you want

  • Find out what they are after, what they like

  • After that you can talk their language

Agree

  • Tell when you agree

  • Be positive

  • People like to be agreed, dislike to be disagreed

  • Admit when you are wrong

  • Arguing is the poorest thing

  • Defuse fighters by refusing to fight

  • disagree politely, convincingly, and respectfully.

Listen

  • Look at the person

  • Lean towards the speaker

  • Ask open ended questions

  • Don’t change subjects abruptly

  • Don’t interrupt

  • Be kind

Convince

  • Let somebody else send the message for you, eg. My past employer gives that feedback, my neighbor says

  • Relate success stories

  • Quote people

  • Cite facts and stats

  • Give them reasons to say yes to you

  • Give a choice between a yes and another yes

Make people feel important

  • Recognition and appreciation are basic human needs

  • Pause before you answer them

  • Acknowledge people waiting you

  • Pay attention to everyone in a group

Thank

  • Be sincere

  • Say it clearly and distinctly

  • Eye contact

  • Thank by name, thanks vs thanks Jessica

  • Watch for chances to thank, appreciate, praise

Skillful talk

  • Know what you want to say

  • Speak with confidence

  • Speak with authority

  • Say it and sit down

  • Be brief be to the point

  • Look at the audience

  • Talk about what they are interested in

  • Tell them what they want to hear

  • Just talk naturally, don’t worry about every little detail

How to make a good impression?

  • If you want respect you should signal that you deserve it

  • Be proud of yourself, what you do, your past, where you work.

  • Don’t apologize for your situation in life

  • You are what you are

  • Handle yourself with pride and respect

  • Say only what you mean

  • Believe things that you say

  • if you don’t mean or don’t believe, don’t say it

  • Show enthusiasm

  • Enthusiasm is contagious

  • Don’t be over anxious, most things are not worth to be anxious, relax

  • Don’t knock

  • Tell something good or say nothing

  • Be shrewd be smooth

Set the mood

  • Start with a open positive happy mood

  • Start by smiling

  • Relaxed comfortable body language

  • Good eye contact

March 1, 2020